THE YEAR OF THE SURGERY: PART III  

                The majority of our stay in Pennsylvania was spent in the town of New Hope.  It is a small tourist village that thrives on antique stores and art galleries.  It’s located right next to the Delaware River and there is a bridge that both cars and pedestrians can cross over to enter Lambertville, New Jersey.  The reason for staying in New Hope for Ashley’s recovery was the Papillon Center, which Ashley’s surgeon Dr. McGinn ran, and was located here.  The day Ashley was released from the hospital Sean flew back to Milwaukee, so now there were three, just Ashley, Barb, and I for the next week and half.  The majority of our time would be spent in Ashley’s and my room at the Fox and Hound, a Bed & Breakfast of New Hope. ( http://www.foxhoundinn.com )

The place had a deal with the Papillon Center, so we got a reduce rate and they accommodating to Ashley’s situation.  Those first days there they brought her breakfast to our bedroom.  They made a grand breakfast and I tried each of the three bacon options they offered and sometimes helped Ashley with hers.  One of the most difficult moments of this trip was our first few days after leaving the hospital.  Ashley felt nauseous and was not eating or drinking enough.  After talking to some of my nursing family members, we felt she was having a bad reaction to the Vicodin.  We called Dr. McGinn and she told Ashley to stop the Vicodin and switch between ibuprofen and aspirin for pain relief.  Ashley had an appointment with Dr. McGinn the following morning.

Next morning at the Papillon Center, they removed Ashley’s packing and helped her with her first dilation experience.  For the next two months Ashley would have to dilate five times a day for 30 minutes intervals.  So that only two and half hours a day, not too bad, but you can’t just do all 5 back to back, you spread them apart and your whole day is spent mostly dilating with brief hours in between.  So we spent a lot of time in that room watching movies and season 9 of TV show “Supernatural.”  When we returned home, Ashley would watch 34 horror movies for the last two weeks of October and around 40 movies for November.  Starting in December she would dilate three times a day and then in April one time a day.  Then just starting a week ago on October 1^st, 2014, she will now dilate twice a week for 30 minutes for the rest of her life. 

Ashley’s recovery from the gender confirmation operation was the first time I was really in a primary caregiver role.  Those first few nights in the Fox and Hound, I would set my alarm to get up every few hours to give Ashley her pain meds, help her walk to the bathroom, and refill her ice pack.  I had no problem doing these things for my lovely wife, who I know would have done the same for me.  The problem that I had was that I was going stir crazy at times.  I thought I would be fine just chilling in the room all day, but my tolerance for watching movies is not as strong as my wife.  I am so glad that her mother was there to help take care of Ashley with me.  Unlike me, Barb seemed to be more content to staying in that one room for hours at a time, but maybe that was natural mother instincts coming out. I had to go for daily walks in New Hope, crossing the Delaware River like George Washington, and visiting shops where I couldn’t afford the antiques.  I needed to be outside and feel the fall air and get some physical activity.  Once we returned to Milwaukee, it was easier for me to hang out with Ashley while she was dilating.  We had returned to our own home and our two cats were glad to have us back. The year of the surgery has come to end and now on to new adventures.  

Ashley and Barb outside of the Fox & Hound

      

THE YEAR OF THE SURGERY: PART II

                On October 1^st, 2013 we awoke at 4:30 in the morning, I would get few days of sleeping in on this vacation.  Ashley would be the first surgery of that day and she had to arrive early for all the prep work.  We grabbed the film gear and Ashley’s overnight bag and we headed to hospital.  For the first hour we were just moving from various waiting rooms where Ashley filled out papers and answered questions.  Ashley and I were both under the assumption that we would get to say good bye to her right before they would wheel her off to surgery.  However, one nurse comes and tells Ashley to follow her and we quickly realize that we must part ways now, not later. Instead, Ashley almost left, without us hugging her farewell.  Luckily we got a minute to wish her luck and send our love, but it all felt so rushed.

                Then the three of us were sent to the “Family Waiting Room,” where for the next four and half hours we waited.  “Waiting” is probably a big theme of this whole time period, but these hours while Ashley was having the surgery were the most difficult.  I knew that most likely everything would go well, but there is always a chance something could go wrong.  When I was finally allowed to see my love, she was very tired and coming off the drugs.  It is hard seeing anyone you care about with tubes in their noses and arms.  One always looks so helpless and fragile in those hospital garments.  However, the surgery was a success!!  The rest of the day we sat by her bed watching her fall in and out of sleep and various medical people entering and departing from the room. 

                Ashley would spend the next three nights in the hospital and Barb spent the first night staying with Ashley.  That night Sean and I drank Woodchuck Hard Cider on the patio of Marriott Hotel, where we conversed with a business rep of Dunkin Donates about the musical power of Journey.  We sat there by the fire pit and it was just another night of shooting the shit.  I felt kind of guilty not being with Ashley, but I knew her mother was with her and she was in good hands.  Also I think it was great to have Sean there with us for those first few days, because he helped take my mind off all my worries and just relax for a bit.  The next night, I slept in the hospital room.  I slept on this reclining chair, where you had to balance perfectly for the foot rest to stay up and the back to recline at the same time.  I am pretty good sleeper overall, but even I had trouble sleeping with nurses coming in every few hours to check vitals and the constant beeping of various machines. 

                The following day they had Ashley try to walk for the first time around the hospital ward.  It was difficult, but she needed to be able to walk on her own by the following day in order to get discharged.  Overall in the hospital, I do not think Ashley was in too much pain.  They kept her on morphine drip early on and then started moving her to Vicodin.  The most painful exception being is when they decided to remove the drainage tubes. The tubes were used to help remove the blood around the packing area that was her new vagina.  The nurse told her it would sting for a moment or so.  Ashley says she closed her eyes, but I witnessed when the lady pulled out a very thin tube about 15 inches long from her groin area. I could not help but thinking to myself “well that has got to hurt.”  After they removed the tube, which took only a few seconds, they had to do the second one and I cringed to myself. 

                About a month prior to this trip I had taken my first crocheting course at JoAnn Fabrics.  I had always wanted to learn how to crochet and I thought I would have plenty of time to learn on this trip.  So here I am now sitting in Ashley’s room, trying to recall how to make a chain and reading over my books on the subject.  I had not practiced anything from my class and could not figure out these basic moves.  I started to get frustrated and then a red haired nurse said she loved to crochet.  This ginger became my Yoda, and taught me again how to hold the hook and yarn. I slowly started to figure out how to make a stitch.  The next day, we left the hospital, but there is still more to this tale.  Next week, in the final post of this blog series, we move to the town of New Hope and I start working on my first scarf and Ashley starts dilating.  

Starting to crochet!

THE YEAR OF THE SURGERY (PART I)

                During the last ten years of our relationship, Ashley and I have found ourselves having certain big themes to particular years.  For instance we had “The Year of Europe,” where we planned our two week trip to England, France and Germany, and of course three years ago was “The Year of the Wedding.”  In a few days when it turns October 1^st, it will be the one year anniversary of when my wife had her gender confirmation surgery, also known as sex change operation.  Starting in 2013 and continuing for the first months of 2014, became known as “The Year of the Surgery.” 

                Ashley is a transwoman and for five years she had been trying to raise the money needed for her gender confirmation surgery, which is around twenty thousand dollars.  She tried to raise the funds through various fundraisers such as art show to rummage sales and this objective is one focus of her documentary, Making the Cut, which is now in the editing process.  We were finally able to afford the operation partially due to the donations, but a huge portion came from her mother, Barb, and through a loan we were granted.  Ashley decided to have the surgery in Pennsylvania, performed by Dr. Christine McGinn, who is also a transwoman.  There are small group of surgeons in the U.S. who perform the operation and Ashley had heard good reviews of Dr. McGinn.   

                The months leading up to the operation we had to figure out where we were going to stay for around two weeks, transportation, and many other factors.  Ashley had to get laser hair removal to prepare for her surgery and go off her hormones a few weeks prior to the operation.  I remember about a month or so before the operation she had gone to her primary doctor for a check-up and they had to send her results to Dr. McGinn.  Ashley’s blood work showed that her white blood cell count was low and that she may be coming down with a cold.  If Ash’s blood count did not improve, there was the possibility that we would have to push back the date of the operation.  This made both of us very nervous, because the tickets, hotels, and vacation time off from work were already set.  We really did not want to move the date, but also she was having a major operation and we did not want to risk her health.  Luckily, her next blood-test showed  that her white blood cell count was now normal. 

                On September 29^th, 2013 we woke up very early to head to the airport for a 7am flight that would take us to Pennsylvania.  Our friend, Sean, who is a part of the documentary film crew, joined us on that flight.  He was coming along to help film for the first few days prior and after the actual operation.  We flew into Philadelphia, walking the streets in search of a juice bar, since Ashley was now on a liquid diet.  Later that afternoon, we would be joined by Barb, Ashley’s mom, who would stay with us for the entire trip.  However, for the moment the we decided to visit the Mutter Museum.  Which is filled with medical oddities from tallest skeleton on display in North American to nine-foot long human colon.  Reflecting now, it seems odd we decided to visit a place filled with strange medical specimens, when Ashley was only days away from going under the knife.  Our final stop as tourists was to the Philadelphia Art Museum, here’s a picture of Ashley running up the “Rocky Steps,” this would also be the last time she would be sprinting up anything for months.   

THE SEASONS AT HUMBOLDT PARK

SUNSET (taken today 9/19/14)

            My wife has recently gotten into running and is trying to encourage me to join her in this madness.  However, I am not a runner. I am a walker.  I find that the act of going on long walks brings both my mind and body into peaceful state.  For the last five years, many of my walks have lead me to Humboldt Park, which is only about 20 minutes from our home.  Originally named South Park, it was established in 1890.  In 1900, it was renamed Humboldt Park in honor of Friedrich Heinrich Alexander von Humboldt, a Prussian botanical geographer and naturalist.  During the summer months it host Chill on the Hill, a weekly musical event on Tuesday evenings and has recently started a beer garden. 

            I walk around this park in all seasons and the beauty shifts with the weather.  In the summer months there’s a tons of children running around and family functions going on.  When the weather gets colder and the trees change, there are less people around and this is the way I prefer the park.  I will walk around the pond, watching the geese and ducks on the water and only occasionally spotting another fellow walker.  Here I can escape the problems of the modern world and ignore the distant cars and come back to nature. On these many walks I have taken pictures of the pond and now I present to you some of my favorite images that have come from various seasons. 

THE GEESE HEAD HOME

WINTER HAS COME

THE ISLAND

TWO PERSPECTIVES

A NEW HOPE

SHAKE IT OFF

              It is not always easy to be a feminist and a fan of pop music at the same time.  I love riot grrl music, but it’s not always the easiest music to dance to and I love to dance.  One of my favorite things to do in this city is to go to Mad Planet, a dance club, on Friday nights and dance to 80s music.  So when I’m driving in the car, I’ll turn on the pop stations and find out what’s the new hit single.   The song “Shake It Off” came on and I told Ashley, that this tune isn’t half bad.  She said it was Taylor Swift and I would not have guessed this was Ms. Swift.  This is the newest single off of her upcoming album 1989; this song is more pop than her usual country-pop style. 

              Yes, the beats are catchy and I have totally danced to it while doing the dishes.  On further listening I declared that the lyrics were also sending a good message to the young ladies out there. The song describes the media’s perception of Taylor being a flighty twenty-year old who’s un-lucky in love.  However, Taylor responds, “I never miss a beat.  I’m lightning on my feet.  And that’s what they don’t see… I’m dancing on my own.  I make the moves up as I go and that’s what they don’t know.”  Sadly our culture tends to focus so much the love lives of these pop divas, but Taylor demands that she is happy dancing to her own and creating her own moves.  We all get hurt in the game of love and people make assumptions about our lives, but we should learn to shake off their assumptions and be confident in ourselves.

           

          I rarely ever watch music videos these days, but I decided to check out the video for “Shake It Off.”  We find Taylor first as a ballerina, then break dancing, cheerleading, and twerking.  In each clip she is trying to mimic the professional dancers, but is failing and in the end is found dancing to her own dorky moves.  The video has received some criticism for perpetuating black stereotypes with the African American back up dancers’ twerking in the video.  I can see why some people may find this offensive, but I believe Swift was just trying to show the various types of dance. I doubt Taylor, meant to offend with the video.  Would it have been better for her to remove the twerking segment?  I’m not sure, since twerking is hugely popular at the moment and yes, it’s also objectifying women bodies, but it is a form of dance. Recently, Taylor has come out as a feminist and I’m glad to welcome her to the movement and I hope she keeps making songs for the ladies to dance to.    

THE THREE BEST DAYS OF MY SUMMER 2014:

1.     LOCUST STREET DAYS – June 8^th

This summer, I did not make it to Summerfest or most of the other festivals around Milwaukee area.  However, we knew a few people going to Locust Street Festival and so we thought we check it out. I rarely hang out in Riverwest, since I  moved to Bay View.  Heading over, I took a chance and called Sean and Emily, two old friends. Ashley and I have known them both for at least ten years now and we've been a close group for years.  From 2004 to 2008 we use to hang out weekly, most often on Tuesday nights at Landmark.  Now, we live in different areas of the cities and our lives are busy, and rarely do all four of us meet up. However, on this fine day we spent a few hours together again.  Having some drinks, sitting by a fire pit, and conversing like it was just another hipster Tuesday at Landmark.    

2.     CLIMBING MOUNT RAINER- June 30^th

My good friend, Laura, and I went to Seattle for a 4 day trip to visit, our lovely friend, Angela.  On our last full day on the trip, we decided to go on a day trip and hike Mt. Rainer.  I was looking forward to this day and the website, had described “Paradise,” the section we were visiting, to be filled with wildflowers and beautiful views.  I was wearing a tank top and jeans, and it was a warm summer day.  However, when we were about to embark on our hike we learned that the trail was still completely covered in snow.  The ranger told us by that in a few more weeks everything would be melted, but on that day, I was hiking up hill in snow.  I quickly realized two things: my shoes would be soaked for the rest of the day and that I needed to start working out more.  By the time we got to the top, I decided to catch my breath on a big rock and let my friends go ahead and explore the surrounding area.   For a moment I was alone with this beautiful view of Mt. Hood and Mt. St. Helens in back ground.  It kind of reminded me of “Lord of the Rings” and I was here with two amazing friends on this adventure.

3.     CORONADO BEACH – July 20^th

 

Ashely and I went on our first real vacation together in years to San Diego.  The best part of the trip was our beach day.  We sat in the sun reading books and I made a long walk to the famous Hotel del Coronado in search of overpriced snacks.   Many people say they prefer swimming in pools, due to temperature or that it’s cleaner, but give me the ocean.  I loved swimming in the Pacific with my wife.  The two of us waiting for a big wave to come along and then jumping with the waves as they hit our bodies.  I had not swam in the ocean in many years and I was so glad to be there with Ashley, it was a grand day indeed.