MEDITATION

There are a lot of things about high school that I have forgotten about over the last decade.  However, I do remember in my sophomore year, when the electricity went out in one class period.  The school had very few windows and the classroom I was in was completely dark and there was only a light coming in from the emergency lights in the hallway.  My teacher told us all to close our eyes and she started to describe us flowing down a river.  She was leading us in a meditation, something I had never experienced prior to this day. I tend to get anxious about life and worry about the future and past too much, while I should be focused on the present.   I remember feeling very peaceful and this was a soothing experience. Part of me was a little upset when the journey down the river was interrupted. The loud speaker came on announcing classes were canceled for the rest of the day, which was also great.

Ever since that day I have been interested in meditation and have tried to do it myself through books.  However, I have never maintained it and practiced it enough to feel the full benefits.  So I came across this “Life Class” that Oprah is offering free and through her website (https://chopracentermeditation.com/home/?acode=oprah). I have often wanted to take a class, but I have not been able to find the time or money, so I am going to take this opportunity to try something I always wanted to pursue.  It is a 21 day-meditation experience.  It is being lead by Deepak Chopra, an Indian-American author, physician, and well-known leader in holistic health movement.   The 21-day process starts this Monday on November 3^rd, and I plan to log some short thought after each session and after the three-week process I will share them with you all.  If you are interested in meditation, I invite you to join me.

ALL HANDS ON THE BAD ONE

                  This last week has been filled with the buzz that Sleater-Kinney is reuniting!!!  Their last album came out in 2005 and now on January 20^th, 2015 they will release their new record No Cities to Love, ten years later.  In case you have missed out on this amazing band they are riot grrrl and indie rock band from Washington.  The members are Corin Tucker (vocals and guitar), Carrie Brownstein (guitar and vocals), and Janet Weiss (drums).  If you are unfamiliar with their music you need to check them out or I would probably make you a mix CD if asked.  They are punk rock, but that know how to play their instruments and have some of the best feminist lyrics out there.  I have to admit when I use to play the guitar, this is the band I wanted to be if I could imitate anyone.   

                  All this chatter about the band makes me think of one of the top three concerts I have ever attended, which was on September 14^th, 2000.  It was my first year of at University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee and I remember my friend Jessica called me and said she had seen Sleater-Kinney in Madison last night and they were incredible.  At first I was upset that I had not been at the show, but she knew I had a prior engagement at school that night.  The good news was that her and Laura, another friend, and I were all going to head to Chicago this afternoon to see them play at the Metro.  A few hours later the three of us were heading to the windy city, without tickets, and just a prayer we could see the band.  When we got down there we found out the show was SOLD OUT, but we decided to stick around, maybe we could still find tickets. 

                  Shortly later we saw the three ladies themselves walking down the street heading to the Metro for sound check.  We decided to approach them.  Corin and Janet were already inside the venue, but Laura had gotten Carrie’s attention.  Laura explained how they had gone to Madison the previous night and we’re hoping to see them play again tonight, but there were no tickets left.  It’s a good thing Laura had done the talking, I can never seem to talk very well to my idols, except to say “I really like your music.”  Carrie told us that she had tickets put aside for her family, but they couldn’t make it.  She took our names and put us down on her guest list.  So not only were we getting into the show, we were getting in for FREE and on Carrie Brownstein’s VIP list.  The guitars and drums were loud and the way Corin and Carrie harmonize their vocals was brilliant.  We got to chat some more with Carrie and Corin after the show and see Jack White smoke some cigarettes by himself, it was the first time I had heard of the White Stripes, who opened the show.  We spoke even briefly to Mr. White, but all the attention was on the ladies.  It was an amazing night and full of adventure on that sudden trip to Chicago. 

Me, Corin, Jessica, Carrie, and Laura outside the Metro

               Flash forward to February 2004, where I am drinking at my favorite local bar, Landmark, and my friend introduces me to this guy, named Kyle.  I am wearing my Sleater-Kinney t-shirt that says “All Hands on the Bad One,” which I had gotten from that tour, and Kyle says, “So you like Sleater-Kinney?”  I replay, “of course” and he proceeds to roll up his shirtsleeve and show me his “Kill Rock Stars” tattoo, a record label that the band had released a few records off of.  So begins my and Kyle’s love affair.  About a year later he will transition into amazing woman, named Ashley whom I would marry some seven years later.  Ashley and I have a poster of the band in our office and we are both big fans.  Today at noon we purchased tickets to see Sleater-Kinney play Turner Hall this February 15^th, 2015.  It may be a day late for Valentines, but I am very excited to finally get to see this band for a second time in my life and for the first time with my wife!!!

Janet, Carrie, Paul, Corin, and Kyle/Ashley at the Metro a different show

                 

They ALL float down here

PENNYWISE

            For the month of October it has become a tradition around the Altadonna household to watch strictly horror movies for those 31 days.  Most horror films I find creepy at moments, but few leave me lying awake at night.  The only film that still freaks me out is the 1990’s TV mini-series “It” based off of Stephen King novel. If you are unfamiliar with the 2 part mini-series or novel, it is about a creature that appears as a clown that is killing children in small town of Derry Maine.  I am not sure if I had been a fan of clowns prior to this movie, but after Pennywise, my motto became “all clowns should not be trusted”.  Tim Curry plays Pennywise, and the man should have won an Emmy for this role.  Curry is so creepy and realistic as a killer clown, that on the DVD commentary track the actors noted they avoided him during the filming.  I often remind myself this is Dr. Frank-N-Furter in “The Rocky Horror Picture Show.”  To this day Curry still haunts with his role as Pennywise, with the clown makeup, that crazy laugh, and his big read mouth.

            The year this aired on TV, I was about to turn 9 years old, and my parents were never concerned with me watching horror films.  Besides the child killing clown, the other reason this film freaked me out was my mother.  I recall she wanted to watch the mini-series in our living room.  I was interested in the film and remember watching most of it through my bed room with the door cracked, so I could close if needed be.  I must have missed the very end of the film and I asked my mother the following day, “did they finally kill the clown?”  Where she replied, “well I can’t tell you, because I do not want to spoil the ending.”  Then to add insult to injury soon afterward my mom started laughing like Pennywise, which would freak me out.  I know my mom was just teasing me and that’s the way we show our love in the McKinney household.

            I have found that many people have one film that they saw as a child that scared them at time and then continues to haunt them still as an adult.  I wanted to see if “It” would still scare me now, since I have not watched it in ten years.  Ashley and I viewed the movie a few nights ago and the clown is still creepy, but not nearly as scary.  Overall, I do enjoy the story line, that these seven outcast children come together to kill this supernatural clown and then promise to come back together if the clown ever returns.   The story starts with them as children in 1958 and then six of them leave the town, except for one, Mike Hanlon.  Then in 1985 the children of Derry start to die again and Mike calls his six childhood friends back for one last battle.  For the last few years I have had Stephen King’s “It” on my book shelf I hope to start reading it in the next year or so.  I have so many books on my list to read and this one is 1,138 pages, but I want to know more about this nightmare.  After re-watching the movie, I did not have too much trouble sleeping.  However, I will admit that when I went to the bathroom at night I might have been sprinting back to bed faster than usual.   

THE YEAR OF THE SURGERY: PART III  

                The majority of our stay in Pennsylvania was spent in the town of New Hope.  It is a small tourist village that thrives on antique stores and art galleries.  It’s located right next to the Delaware River and there is a bridge that both cars and pedestrians can cross over to enter Lambertville, New Jersey.  The reason for staying in New Hope for Ashley’s recovery was the Papillon Center, which Ashley’s surgeon Dr. McGinn ran, and was located here.  The day Ashley was released from the hospital Sean flew back to Milwaukee, so now there were three, just Ashley, Barb, and I for the next week and half.  The majority of our time would be spent in Ashley’s and my room at the Fox and Hound, a Bed & Breakfast of New Hope. ( http://www.foxhoundinn.com )

The place had a deal with the Papillon Center, so we got a reduce rate and they accommodating to Ashley’s situation.  Those first days there they brought her breakfast to our bedroom.  They made a grand breakfast and I tried each of the three bacon options they offered and sometimes helped Ashley with hers.  One of the most difficult moments of this trip was our first few days after leaving the hospital.  Ashley felt nauseous and was not eating or drinking enough.  After talking to some of my nursing family members, we felt she was having a bad reaction to the Vicodin.  We called Dr. McGinn and she told Ashley to stop the Vicodin and switch between ibuprofen and aspirin for pain relief.  Ashley had an appointment with Dr. McGinn the following morning.

Next morning at the Papillon Center, they removed Ashley’s packing and helped her with her first dilation experience.  For the next two months Ashley would have to dilate five times a day for 30 minutes intervals.  So that only two and half hours a day, not too bad, but you can’t just do all 5 back to back, you spread them apart and your whole day is spent mostly dilating with brief hours in between.  So we spent a lot of time in that room watching movies and season 9 of TV show “Supernatural.”  When we returned home, Ashley would watch 34 horror movies for the last two weeks of October and around 40 movies for November.  Starting in December she would dilate three times a day and then in April one time a day.  Then just starting a week ago on October 1^st, 2014, she will now dilate twice a week for 30 minutes for the rest of her life. 

Ashley’s recovery from the gender confirmation operation was the first time I was really in a primary caregiver role.  Those first few nights in the Fox and Hound, I would set my alarm to get up every few hours to give Ashley her pain meds, help her walk to the bathroom, and refill her ice pack.  I had no problem doing these things for my lovely wife, who I know would have done the same for me.  The problem that I had was that I was going stir crazy at times.  I thought I would be fine just chilling in the room all day, but my tolerance for watching movies is not as strong as my wife.  I am so glad that her mother was there to help take care of Ashley with me.  Unlike me, Barb seemed to be more content to staying in that one room for hours at a time, but maybe that was natural mother instincts coming out. I had to go for daily walks in New Hope, crossing the Delaware River like George Washington, and visiting shops where I couldn’t afford the antiques.  I needed to be outside and feel the fall air and get some physical activity.  Once we returned to Milwaukee, it was easier for me to hang out with Ashley while she was dilating.  We had returned to our own home and our two cats were glad to have us back. The year of the surgery has come to end and now on to new adventures.  

Ashley and Barb outside of the Fox & Hound

      

THE YEAR OF THE SURGERY: PART II

                On October 1^st, 2013 we awoke at 4:30 in the morning, I would get few days of sleeping in on this vacation.  Ashley would be the first surgery of that day and she had to arrive early for all the prep work.  We grabbed the film gear and Ashley’s overnight bag and we headed to hospital.  For the first hour we were just moving from various waiting rooms where Ashley filled out papers and answered questions.  Ashley and I were both under the assumption that we would get to say good bye to her right before they would wheel her off to surgery.  However, one nurse comes and tells Ashley to follow her and we quickly realize that we must part ways now, not later. Instead, Ashley almost left, without us hugging her farewell.  Luckily we got a minute to wish her luck and send our love, but it all felt so rushed.

                Then the three of us were sent to the “Family Waiting Room,” where for the next four and half hours we waited.  “Waiting” is probably a big theme of this whole time period, but these hours while Ashley was having the surgery were the most difficult.  I knew that most likely everything would go well, but there is always a chance something could go wrong.  When I was finally allowed to see my love, she was very tired and coming off the drugs.  It is hard seeing anyone you care about with tubes in their noses and arms.  One always looks so helpless and fragile in those hospital garments.  However, the surgery was a success!!  The rest of the day we sat by her bed watching her fall in and out of sleep and various medical people entering and departing from the room. 

                Ashley would spend the next three nights in the hospital and Barb spent the first night staying with Ashley.  That night Sean and I drank Woodchuck Hard Cider on the patio of Marriott Hotel, where we conversed with a business rep of Dunkin Donates about the musical power of Journey.  We sat there by the fire pit and it was just another night of shooting the shit.  I felt kind of guilty not being with Ashley, but I knew her mother was with her and she was in good hands.  Also I think it was great to have Sean there with us for those first few days, because he helped take my mind off all my worries and just relax for a bit.  The next night, I slept in the hospital room.  I slept on this reclining chair, where you had to balance perfectly for the foot rest to stay up and the back to recline at the same time.  I am pretty good sleeper overall, but even I had trouble sleeping with nurses coming in every few hours to check vitals and the constant beeping of various machines. 

                The following day they had Ashley try to walk for the first time around the hospital ward.  It was difficult, but she needed to be able to walk on her own by the following day in order to get discharged.  Overall in the hospital, I do not think Ashley was in too much pain.  They kept her on morphine drip early on and then started moving her to Vicodin.  The most painful exception being is when they decided to remove the drainage tubes. The tubes were used to help remove the blood around the packing area that was her new vagina.  The nurse told her it would sting for a moment or so.  Ashley says she closed her eyes, but I witnessed when the lady pulled out a very thin tube about 15 inches long from her groin area. I could not help but thinking to myself “well that has got to hurt.”  After they removed the tube, which took only a few seconds, they had to do the second one and I cringed to myself. 

                About a month prior to this trip I had taken my first crocheting course at JoAnn Fabrics.  I had always wanted to learn how to crochet and I thought I would have plenty of time to learn on this trip.  So here I am now sitting in Ashley’s room, trying to recall how to make a chain and reading over my books on the subject.  I had not practiced anything from my class and could not figure out these basic moves.  I started to get frustrated and then a red haired nurse said she loved to crochet.  This ginger became my Yoda, and taught me again how to hold the hook and yarn. I slowly started to figure out how to make a stitch.  The next day, we left the hospital, but there is still more to this tale.  Next week, in the final post of this blog series, we move to the town of New Hope and I start working on my first scarf and Ashley starts dilating.  

Starting to crochet!